If you want to know how to keep your matches chatting for longer and, hopefully, set up some dates, these are the questions you need to be asking. If you could buy a plane ticket right now to anywhere in the world, where would you go and why?

You might also like: Dirty most likely to questions. Have you ever met someone off an online dating site in person, and they looked nothing like their profile picture? Do you enjoy what you do for work right now, or do you wish you were doing something else? You might also like: Flirty questions to ask your crush. Next: Dating icebreaker questions. You might also like: Questions to ask on a third date. You might also like: Questions to ask a guy. Have you ever been dumped, or are you usually the person that ends the relationship?

You might also like: Questions to ask a guy to know his intentions. I love being sociable too and liked what I was seeing in your profile. Have you ever gone swing dancing?

My approach here is to be positive but brief. The goal here is to get her interest, have her look at my profile and if she likes what she sees, move forward. Profile Would this work?

Maybe yes, maybe no. Even in the case where she decides it is horribly corny, she might appreciate the unique quality it had. I also ask her out in the first email because:. This is an example of how sometimes profiles are too short and give you no clues to who the person is.

With this type of profile, I always felt like simply asking them out on safe date in the first email is fine. Most profiles should have much more information for you to work with but you can apply the exact same ideas:.

Also, regardless what any book or person tells you including this guy , you need to be making decisions for yourself. I spent too much time blindly follow good-intentioned advice and not thinking for myself early on when dating online. For example, in the Profile 3, creating an invitation to have a drink that looked like a travel itinerary might work well if she had mentioned enjoying creativity or if her profile was very creative.

Everything else aside, just coming off normal and interested goes a long way. I hope my advice here is helpful for you however I also realize success is also often easier said than done. My advice in this article is based mostly on sites like Match.

com where we find ourselves having to initiate contact all on our own. If you continue to struggle writing your first emails or struggle with getting responses with a service like this, trying a service like eHarmony might be helpful. Why This Service? eHarmony operates in a different way where they control much of the early communication for you. However , while I met my wife using Match.

com I felt that it was eHarmony that really helped me become more comfortable with online dating. You can learn more details on my thoughts on this service in my article on How eHarmony Works. No matter what service you choose, I hope my advice here will help you with your first messages.

Online dating can be unforgiving and for many of us it is easy to make mistakes without even realizing it. I hope the steps included here are helpful for you in avoiding problems in this area! Learn more in my free online dating ebook…. Online Dating: How to Write the First Message or Email Search this website Home Online Dating: How to Write the First Message or Email. I am a XX year old looking for a nice guy to get to know and have a wonderful time together.

I am a very outgoing person and enjoy all types of activities. I work full-time as a real estate agent. I am very sociable and enjoy being around people. If you would like to get to know me, just send me a message. Subject: Just sending that message! I am crazy, unique and creative. Everyday boring life turns into an adventure along with me! Born and raised in the [a city] looking for someone to curl up watch a movie with or football or just hang out.

I don't usually start off a post with the impact points right at the beginning. But I want to lay these out first -- because they're so vital to solid message writing -- and we'll get into the "whys" and the "hows" in a moment. I was going to write about something else today -- I have a couple of big-concept posts I've been meaning to write up and get around to -- but, heck, the last post I put up was a big-concept post so I figured let's have a quick breather from that and get something a little lighter up first.

This topic came up as I got to an email from a reader. A very well-spoken and clearly an educated guy, he sent me a message detailing a situation with a girl he knew and boy, was it detailed.

I mean, it was long. Really long. I've been all too guilty of this myself -- sending super-long messages. And what I found was that I was often disappointed -- I'd put all this time and effort into a monster of a message, and then I'd get no response. There are a bunch of lessons I eventually took away from those experiences that I'll share with you today. The basic gist of today's post is, basically, that this -- what we're about to talk about -- is how you write online dating messages and emails that don't get ignored and, in fact, get you exactly what you want: responses, phone numbers, dates, and success.

I like to be thorough, and I like to cover all the points. If you've read many articles on this site, I'm sure you already realize this. Problem is when you're talking to strangers. You know, people who don't know you from Jack -- you may be an exceptional human being, but they just don't know that yet. So, you write out a really long, thorough, detailed message to someone, and you send it -- and she never writes back.

Confused and maybe a little miffed, you write her off as obviously not realizing what an awesome guy you are. Obviously, she ain't that sharp of a gal to pass up a guy like you. One of the basics of investment and the Law of Least Effort is that, the more invested someone becomes in you, the more willing they are to invest more in you. When your broker tries to hard sell Stock E at you, you're likely to just tune him out and tell him you want to invest in Stock A again, unless he presents his message exactly right.

People are like this with all of their investing strategies. They prefer the known over the unknown; they stick with what they're comfortable with. Hence, the importance of solid email writing and online dating messages. Without good, solid, effective message writing, you're going to be left out in the cold while people invest in things they already know -- instead of in you.

And make no mistake, time is an investment. And mental footwork is an investment. And if you make her work hard, and she isn't already invested in you, she's almost always going to simply not do so -- she just won't be willing to put the work in. When I got that long email from that reader, I took one look at it, then looked at all the other things I had to do this was when I was packing up, trying to finish up a number of things on my to-do list, and trying to get set for a 30 hour ride on the Transsiberian Railroad , and figured I'd try and get back to it later.

I didn't end up remembering to respond or having the time to skim it and write a proper response until today -- half a month later. And, try as I do to respond when I can, I probably have other long messages I've gotten that I've simply not had time to respond to when I got them and forgotten to ever go back to. And women on the Internet aren't running their own websites, their own businesses, or trying to give back.

They're just plain old looking for a guy they like. What that means for you is this:. If a girl passes over your message because it's too long, or too hard to figure out, or asks her to do too much mental footwork, she plainly and simply isn't going to circle back to it later. We'll get into some examples in just a minute.

Before we do though, let's take a quick look through the mechanics -- the nuts and bolts of how emails and online dating messages work. Well, it depends on the context, of course. But I'd say, keep it to two brief paragraphs maximum, with perhaps a one- or two-line goodwill statement at the end. That means that that six paragraph novella you wrote for that cute girl from Match.

com probably didn't get replied to because man , it was way too long! It doesn't matter how good of a writer you are. I consider myself a fairly good writer -- I've been writing for a pretty darn long time -- but when I first plunged into online dating a number of years back and shot girls a bunch of long messages, all of which were exceptionally well-written, of course, I got back diddly squat.

Now, that's not entirely true I did have a few girls reply back then. But it was always much more of an intellectual discussion, and a lot less of an, "Oh boy, it's on! And the interest in the discussion usually petered out after a few messages and ran its course.

And on top of that, the amount of time and effort I put into constructing those incredibly long messages simply wasn't justified by the meager returns they generated. The second thing you need to pay attention to is helping her think. That means that questions like, "Tell me about yourself," are way too vague and are going to lead to women briefly scouring their brains for an answer, drawing a blank, and deciding to "come back to your message later" and then later never arrives.

Leaving out a call to action is equally bad. You'll notice at the bottom of this post there's a call for you to jump on my newsletter. That's on all my latest posts, many of the most popular ones, and I'm gradually going back and adding it to all earlier posts. Because if I don't make it clear what a reader ought to do and make it easy to do it readers are unlikely to do it by themselves.

It's too much mental footwork, and people -- everybody , just about -- want you to make things easy on them. If I told you, "Hey jump on my newsletter you've just got to head to this other page and fill out ten fields of information," you're going to think, "Nah, that's too much work.

If instead I say, "Put your email in RIGHT HERE and click the button and you'll get tons of awesome insights," though, well -- you're a lot more likely to say, "Sure, why not? Likewise, if you write a message to a girl that's devoid of calls to action -- clear, easy calls to action -- she's not going to know what to do with that message or if those calls are too complicated, she's going to feel unmotivated to comply and unless she's crazy into you, she isn't going to do a thing.

Lily, hey. That sounds like a wild experience you had with the apartment flood. I'm glad MY apartment is high enough in my building I don't have to worry about that! No big plans for the weekend; just hitting the beach on Sunday maybe. What say we head there together? I'll bring some food and we can do a picnic. Which message is more likely to get a useful response, that moves the interaction forward? That's right; Message 2 is vastly more likely both to get a response, and to get a useful response.

That's because it includes a clear call to action and it makes it a LOT easier for Lily to decide how to respond. The response Ted guides her to responding with is, "Sure, the beach sounds fun!

What time do you want to meet? In Message 1 there's no clear way for Lily to easily respond back; she'll write a response if she's chasing very hard, but even then it isn't going to be the best kind of response; it'll most likely just awkwardly try to force rapport where no doors had been left open for it by Ted.

You need to make it easy for women and help them think to avoid ending up with message abandonment issues.

Those three things will improve your reply rates to the messages you send so much you'll want to shake my hand. Finally, walk a mile in her shoes. This should go without saying, but you'd be surprised how often messages get written without a guy stopping and considering how a girl will receive them.

Still these days I'll be about to hit "Send" on an email or a message I'm sending to someone, and I'll stop, read through the message as someone else, and realize, "Whoa, this is still way too long, I need to cut out some paragraphs," or, "Oh man, I'm just talking about myself here this sounds totally self-absorbed and not like I have any consideration for them at all," and I'll go back and make edits. Always take the time to imagine how you'd receive a message like the one you're sending if you received it from a stranger.

If you'd feel a little annoyed at the length or the tone or you wouldn't know how to respond to it, you have some edits to make. I'll note that while I don't talk about online dating a whole lot on here, I used to do it quite a bit as a supplement to meeting women in the real world.

It's useful too for getting good at learning how to write to women and finding out what's effective and what isn't. I know, it's tempting when you read a great profile or find a girl you're REALLY excited about to write her a novel telling her everything about yourself and relating it back to her -- such a message can even feel like a masterpiece as you put it together -- but take it from me having written many such masterpieces in the past -- yeah, those don't work.

No matter how beautifully constructed such messages may be, no matter how much of a perfect match the two of you really are, a girl's going to see a monster message like that, and instantly click the "back" button. You've also got to help her think and make it intellectually undemanding.

Even if she's a Ph. She's going to hit "back" on that one too. And you've got to be thinking about what mindset she's going to be in while reading this. She's probably reading a ton of messages from men -- it's an online dating website, after all -- and she's hearing a lot of the same thing -- a lot of:. so you know she's getting tired of that.

So you also know you've got to be different, intriguing, and light -- she should enjoy getting a message from you. Hey Casey. Welcome to town; hope the locals haven't been too rough on you.

This discussion is primarily for sites such as Match. Finally, walk a mile in her shoes. This discussion is primarily for sites such as Match. I also ask her out in the first email because:. So, you write out a really long, thorough, detailed message to someone, and you send it -- and she never writes back. It's only bad until you're initiated ; So, found it cool that you're an artist as well. That means that questions like, "Tell me about yourself," are way too vague and are going to lead to women briefly scouring their brains for an answer, drawing a blank, and deciding to "come back to your message later"

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